First Wedding Blues
I can't do it! I'm not a good enough Wedding Photographer! I have never done it before!What if my camera malfunctions? What if my SD card miraculously falls out and I lose all of the photos? What if I forget to change my camera settings and I miss all of the important shots? And, it goes on and on and on and on. Every Scenario. You name it, I thought it. I was terrified. Someone had trusted me to capture the most important day of their lives on my camera. Me. What had I done. It was too much responsibility.
But yet here I am shaking like a leaf, Husband and fellow Tog stood next to me for moral support, knocking on the door of my brides hotel room. This was it. No turning back now.
Camera? check! Lenses? Check! SD cards? Check, Spare battery? check! Charger? Check! I remembered everything.
The Bride was lovely, nervous as you would imagine but everything was in hand.
Until, she told my Moral Support to go and capture her "hubby to be" in a different room - Gulp!
I cried inside! Everything I ever learnt left my mind, I was blank. Scrambling for some sort of memory of anything Photography related to come back to me, bring my self back to earth. Nothing.
I stood aimlessly for what felt like an eternity. Saw the dress hanging by the window, took a photo. Staring through my viewfinder, I can only see the top half of the dress, I'm moving back trying to get more of the dress in, tripping over things as I move further and further back. Then it hit me, change your lens Danielle! Yes! Oh, I can't! Carl has took the lenses with him! Disaster had struck. Panic set in even more. I felt sick. I wasn't me. Convinced myself even more so that this was the wrong thing for me, turns out I wasn't a social butterfly after all, I was an anxiety riddled, terrified human being willing the floor to swallow up.
Breathe Danielle, you've got this!
I averted my attention somewhere else.
Focus on something different for now, come back to the dress in a little while. I wondered around the room, taking photos without a care in the world. Pretending it was just me and my camera. Within that time I managed to gather my thoughts, realise I was been irrational, and figured that I could do it. Mind over matter!
I figured it out and I had the best day ever!
It was a fantastic experience and once the adrenaline kicked in I could have done it forever. Although, boy is it exhausting! I slept well that night, after I had done a few sneak peaks anyways!
Ohhhh if you were wondering, I still convince myself that I'm not up to it now, fearing losing my SD cards and forgetting about changing my camera settings. It's maybe a good job I do! Because it makes me more on the ball =)